Esteban is a traditional multicolored pinata descended directly from the originally clay pot pinatas that were filled with fruit. His father was a seven pointed star pinata from a highly populated barrio in the city, while his mother was a sun shaped pinata from the hilly suburbs near the barrio. Esteban’s mother died giving birth to him at an adult themed party where she was clobbered to shreds by some drunken townsmen.
His father, having neither a face or opposable thumbs, put Esteban up for adoption at the Orphanage for Wayward Festive Objects. There Esteban faced prejudice and discrimination, being surrounded by more modern shaped pinatas such as Dora, Blue’s Clues, and Thomas The Tank Engine. He was ruthlessly teased for his shape and long donkey eyelashes. But he persevered with the help of his two friends: giraffe shape, Jorge, and elephant shape, Guadalupe.
Jorge, Guadalupe, and Esteban formed a band together called Fiesta. Doing small club gigs they barely made enough to live on, but they were content to do what they loved. One day, a famous music producer, Mickey Rodriguez, saw them play a frenzied punk set at CBGBs in NYC. He signed Fiesta on the spot.
Fiesta toured all over the world and their first album, “Candy: Nobody Saw This Coming” went platinum everywhere. Fiesta saw many successes with three consecutive albums, but soon it was too much for the trio. Jorge was raising a family with a Hello Kitty pinata and could not meet the band’s commitments and soon quit the band. Guadalupe and Esteban continued on their own as a duo called Dos, but it wouldn’t last. The magic had gone and the group was plagued with conflict. Guadalupe fell in love with Esteban, but Esteban, had abandonment issues and rejected her. Guadalupe left and Esteban escaped into the underground high sugar world having an affinity for Rockets candy.
Esteban started selling pixie stix to fuel his candy addiction. It was during this time that he went to visit Guadalupe, bursting into her home and finding her with another pinata, a bee, he took a stick and began to beat the couple. Esteban was sentenced to 25 years in jail for murder. He served ten years due to good behavior.
Outside of prison, Esteban continued in his candy induced state, even overdosing one night at a nacho festival. Friends saved him and in the hospital, Esteban said, “I am not worth zee trouble. Please leave me be.”
Esteban set up camp near his home barrio where he went on a great spiritual quest by sitting under a coconut tree for 40 days. A crowd gathered around the coconut tree and waiting with him. On the 40th day, Esteban rose from the ground and declared, “I must do what I was placed on this earth to do.”
Three days later, I received this email:
My name is Esteban. I heard you were having a Mexican picnic and were in search for a pinata. I am a donkey shaped pinata that can be filled with all sorts of candy (with the exception of Rockets, please). It is my sincere wish to go out of this world the way that I came in. It would be an honour to be the pinata at your picnic.
Which brings us to today. Esteban will be strung up to a tree or put on the ground, as per his wishes, to be clobbered as picnickers partake of tacos or burritos at High Park on this day the fourteenth of July, two thousand and thirteen.
Today’s hotsauces in Esteban’s honour: